Trust. A Nasty little thing. It leaves one in a vulnerable position at times; however, it can be one of the most blissful concepts around.
When one's trust is betrayed, it leaves scars that run deep that can effect the rest of one's life if you were to let it. Absolute blind faith and trust in someone is admirable but foolish. What makes one so worthy of such trust? In truth nothing makes one worthy because it is programed into every person to survive and part of this instinct is to lie, cheat, and manipulate. While that is not to say that every person will break your trust and scar you for life, these compulsions are just stronger in some while not so much in others.
I've become someone who does not trust so easily. While there are a few people in my life that I absolutely adore and trust, it did not come easy. As I grow older, I realize that trust can make and break relationships. As I am surrounded by new situations day after day, it becomes more apparent that the boundaries that we erect to protect what we trust are often a smoke screen to hide the true nature of our reality. Is it naive to think and hope that what is in front of us is in fact the truth and that what our senses allow us to perceive are things we can trust?
The deceitful side of trust is the fact that when you have trust in someone or something, it leaves you blissfully unaware of the harsh reality. Trust are the blinders we wear to protect ourselves from the truth. When something is as clear as day to everyone around execpt to you, it is because of the refusal to see what is really infront of you and the constant denial in which one lives their life. It's great to be able to take everything at face value, but when the proverbial rug is yanked out from underneath you, it leaves shock and a sense of betrayal in its wake. It leaves you suddenly questioning anything and everything, making you suspicious, paranoid, and scared. (que dramatic music).
so where does this leave us?? Really, lets be honest, being aware that trust is a nasty little concept that is ever changing shape and consistency, changes nothing. We know we can't trust certain people, but we either keep them around or we find someone else exactly like them to replace their now vacant space in our lives. Trust is the blinders we wear and the tides that shift throughout our lives.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
First Time for Everything
Hey everyone
Welcome to my blog. I've come to a point in my life where a lot of new things have been happening lately and I figure this is the best time to actually sit down and start a blog like I've wanted to.
As some of you know, I have just moved out into my own apartment. First time I've been on my own, and first time I have lived somewhere other then the house I came home to in a car seat from the hospital. It's has it's up and its downs, but it's my own. Of course with everything, there comes doubt. Will this work, Will I be happy, Will it be everything I hope it will be. So far, its been pretty good, sometimes quiet, but that will probably change once everything is settled.
A few other changes have happened in my life. I've gained more responsibilities at work. Tonight I discovered that my office manager may be leaving. It got me really thinking about how stressful the office has become lately and how much tension has been in the air. Needless to say, it is not the best working environment and I'm sure a lot, if not all of you have heard me bitch about it from one time to another. This would be another first for an office though. I have contemplated leaving, my newest co-worker, the office manager and the biller all have thought about it. Which leaves the question, how would a hectic trauma surgeons office function with no one there? I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time an office has lost 95% of it's staff, but it would be the first time the doctors would actually see the stress level of our situation and how under-staffed we are.
Recently, I've also began to reach out to old friends. It's definitely interesting to see where people have ended up and how the decisions we've made in the past have shaped them into who they are today. If we've lost touch, I hope you are one of those people, if not, then...why don't you send me a message and we catch up???
Lately, I've had this burning desire to get back into my writing and actually fully develop a story, polish it, and actually finish it. It's always been starting a story with no idea of how it will develop, creating it, then let it collect dust because I turned it in or I hit a wall as to what to do next.
Mostly, I just want to end tonight on the thought of what next "First Time" experience would be the most desirable?
Welcome to my blog. I've come to a point in my life where a lot of new things have been happening lately and I figure this is the best time to actually sit down and start a blog like I've wanted to.
As some of you know, I have just moved out into my own apartment. First time I've been on my own, and first time I have lived somewhere other then the house I came home to in a car seat from the hospital. It's has it's up and its downs, but it's my own. Of course with everything, there comes doubt. Will this work, Will I be happy, Will it be everything I hope it will be. So far, its been pretty good, sometimes quiet, but that will probably change once everything is settled.
A few other changes have happened in my life. I've gained more responsibilities at work. Tonight I discovered that my office manager may be leaving. It got me really thinking about how stressful the office has become lately and how much tension has been in the air. Needless to say, it is not the best working environment and I'm sure a lot, if not all of you have heard me bitch about it from one time to another. This would be another first for an office though. I have contemplated leaving, my newest co-worker, the office manager and the biller all have thought about it. Which leaves the question, how would a hectic trauma surgeons office function with no one there? I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time an office has lost 95% of it's staff, but it would be the first time the doctors would actually see the stress level of our situation and how under-staffed we are.
Recently, I've also began to reach out to old friends. It's definitely interesting to see where people have ended up and how the decisions we've made in the past have shaped them into who they are today. If we've lost touch, I hope you are one of those people, if not, then...why don't you send me a message and we catch up???
Lately, I've had this burning desire to get back into my writing and actually fully develop a story, polish it, and actually finish it. It's always been starting a story with no idea of how it will develop, creating it, then let it collect dust because I turned it in or I hit a wall as to what to do next.
Mostly, I just want to end tonight on the thought of what next "First Time" experience would be the most desirable?
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