This year has been a rough one for many people. Working in a neurosurgeon's office has made things, such as the value of life and how precious it is, more real over the last four years. Something so little can take the gift of life away in the space between one breath and the next or the snap of a finger. In just the space of 24 hours, I have learned of the death of the relatives of two of my friends.
No death is ever easy, nor is it in any way forgiving on those that are close or most affected but hearing the above quote tonight shifted the focus on something else. That while many of us think it would be great to learn how we would die, or maybe even when, it is the mystery of what life has that makes it all easier to bear. If one were to know how they would die, would one not live in fear for that event to finally occur? Might one even not live their life to the fullest hoping to cheat death by refusing to allow the opportunity of that event to occur?Not presuming to know exactly what the author of the quote means, I know what I take away from hearing it. The knowledge of when or how we will see that blinding light at the end of the tunnel would ruin the sweet joys of everything proceeding that moment. Would the joys of living be worth actually enjoying if we knew was there to meet us? I suppose some would argue yes, but while I may agree, I cannot help but think those joys maybe a little more tainted as the countdown to that moment dwindled.
To step away for the moment from the saddest portion of the quote, let me focus on the thought of love. I have been known to say that it would be great if I had a map to life, one that did not necessarily tell me exactly when things would occur, rather it be a map that would serve as a summary of basic plot points that would be a reminder that one day, I will get there. While I will not take back those statements, as knowing that there is turbulence ahead or that there was smooth sailing over yonder, for that would be helpful information!, I do understand that knowing these things may hinder my discovery of joy along the way. If I were to hypothetically know that I would meet the ultimate love of my life 10 years from now, why would I bother to go out on dates and set myself up for unnecessary heartache and heartbreak? Someone said to me today during a discussion about pending loss that "no matter how bad you think your life is, there is someone whose life is worse". For other reasons not worth mentioning, I forgot about that this afternoon until I received news of the second passing and then watched tonight's episode of Hellcats, then it all came crashing back, making my personal stress tonight seem like the tiny stone it really is in the grand scheme of things, rather than the huge boulder I thought it was in the moment.While the future remains a mystery, it is that mystery that has the capabilities of bring great joy and everlasting memories and it is my friends that help me get through all the negativity and sadness that may ever come my way. I just hope, that for those who have suffered loss, either recently or in years past, that they can say the same thing about their friends.
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